Seducing a Wolf
by Galadriell
Summary: Seventh year at Hogwarts.  One chance to get with Remus.  Sirius is one determined Gryffindor.  He was going to seduce his wolf. Warnings: Horrific tongue in cheek, swearing, fluff, smut, silliness and cringe-worthy humor. Sirius/Remus SLASH! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters; I just manipulate their thoughts.

-x-

Seventh year. The year of NEWTs, career choices, teary farewells, pranks, and final thoughts. The year of raging hormones. The year Sirius Black started to notice Remus Lupin. The year he was going to seduce his wolf.

To be fair to Sirius, he hadn't started off the school year with seduction in mind. In fact, seducing Remus never even entered Sirius' wildest dreams - and everyone knows he has pretty wild dreams. Always about girls though. Being the promiscuous type and having devastatingly handsome lips had earned Sirius his fair share of love interests. Again, always girls. So what caused the slight shift from skirt lifter to shirt lifter?

_Let's find out, shall we?_

_Oh, you want to know who I am? Just an omnipresent viewer, observing and reporting everything I saw that year. Not a voyeur. Not a peeping Tom. No, not Merlin. I'm just me. And whenever me sees fit, she will add her own thoughts to Sirius' actions and Remus' words. Because she, is me, is I. And I'm the one telling the story. I cannot read minds. I cannot see the future. I cannot disregard the smuttiness that is the essence of this story. I will not bear the brunt of the blame for the silliness that is to ensue. I cannot change the facts. And once you hear this story, you will be glad that I did not change the facts. You may call me a liar, you may call me a creep, you may call me an angel, you may call me a demon. I am me, me is she, and she watched Remus Lupin get his brains fucked out by Sirius Black. Want to know how? Of course you do. Perverts. _

_It all began where it always seems to begin - on the Hogwarts Express. Fade to scene._

"Fuck, just shove it in!"

"I can't."

"Try harder."

"It's too big!"

"Ow! Not so bloody hard!"

"You just asked me to shove it in harder!"

"Not that hard, you ponce!"

The compartment door shot open to reveal Remus' shuddering figure. Tears slid down his eyes as he tried to quell his laughter by biting down on his tongue painfully. "Please stop moaning. It sounds like you two are having sex," he gasped, bursts of laughter rolling out of him.

_Our thoughts exactly, Remus. So what were they doing?_

James was sitting on the bench, his knees folded up under him and leaning towards Sirius - one hand tangled into the jet black hair that was pulled into a disregarded ponytail while the other hand tugged at Sirius' ear. Sirius' eyes were streaming with tears as well, remarkably mirroring Remus, but for different reasons entirely. He was trying to sit still, his head tilted to one side and his fingers clutching the edges of the seat painfully. James was biting his lip in concentration, going cross-eyed as he tried to push the earring into Sirius' earlobe.

_Yes, they were just trying to fit the earring into the small perforation. Get your minds out of the filthy sewers. It's not even five hundred words yet. Goddamn teenagers._

"Oh for heaven's sakes!" Remus laughed, clutching the doorframe for support. "I thought I was going to walk in on you guys. Which got me wondering what the hell happened this summer. Which got me thinking about how much you guys were hiding from me. Which got me imagining you guys having sex. And now I'm right back to where I started."

"Shut up and help me," James mumbled, unsuccessfully pushing the earring into Sirius.

Sirius had had enough as he wrenched his head out of James' hands. "Yes, Moony, you do it. James can't see worth shit," he said, glowering at James.

"Just wait for me to calm down, okay?" Remus gasped, brushing away his tears and dragging his bag and trunk into the compartment. He sat down heavily on the seat facing Sirius and James, trying to catch his breath. James shoved the earring into Remus' hand, grumbling. "And why exactly do you want this in your ear?" Remus asked. This being a black opal gemstone no bigger than the size of a housefly.

"Because it's _mine_," Sirius said in an affected tone.

_I imagine it's because Sirius had been kicked out of Grimmauld Place by his parents last year and was left with next to nothing – this earring being the 'next to' part of it._

Remus nodded, not pushing on any further. He switched spots with James, eyeing Sirius' reddened earlobe. "You're right… James can't see worth shit," he murmured, inspecting Sirius. He earned a sharp kick to the shin for that comment from James, who increased his grumbling. Remus gently touched Sirius' ear with his wand, muttering a healing charm to reduce the redness and the pain.

Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. "Yeah, ever heard of magic, you prick?" he asked James with a scowl.

Obviously James had, because he had his wand out and was in the process of hexing Sirius. Remus lazily threw a _Protego_ at James, stopping the hex from getting any nearer than a meter from Sirius. "Not on the train, you guys," he said, inserting the earring while Sirius was distracted. Sirius hissed with pain and clutched his ear to find the opal fit firmly in place. His scowl of pain turned to a grin of success.

"Oh, I could kiss you, Remus," Sirius said blissfully.

_Did he, you wonder? Why, yes… He did._

Remus' protest was lost in Sirius' extravagant lips. Sirius' hands were on Remus' cheeks, pushing in with fervor. Those devastatingly handsome lips took Remus' inexperienced ones, bruising them enthusiastically. And then –

_Wait, what? That's it? That was, like, three seconds. That was the earth-shattering kiss? Damn it!_

And then Sirius pulled away with a gratifying pop. Remus toppled onto his back, staring up at the bunker on the ceiling. He was also blowing a raspberry, trying to get rid of Sirius' spit from inside his mouth. "Bleh!" He wiped his mouth frantically with his sleeve.

_Personally, I think he wanted to wipe his tongue too. But that'd be we – oh._

He even wiped his tongue with his sleeve. James was rolling on the bench, seized with convulsing laughter at his two best friends. "Brilliant!" he wheezed, clutching his stomach.

_Not brilliant enough. I demand more!_

"Come on, Moony, admit it. Was it all _that_ bad?" Sirius asked, perking his eyebrows at Remus' melodramatic gestures.

Remus propped up on his elbows, scowling at Sirius. "_Yes_, it was all that bad," he said.

"It's just one of the ways I show my gratitude," Sirius responded, winking.

_I'd like a serving of gratitude, please._

"Ugh!" Remus shuddered, blowing a raspberry again. "Thank you is good enough for me."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah," Remus grumbled, sitting up. He stretched dolefully, groaning as he flopped languidly against the back of the seat. "Last year, you guys…" he said.

James sighed. "Don't remind me."

"What? I think it's amazing!" Sirius quipped, his brown eyes shining and his lips splitting into a grin.

"You would. Your parents aren't pestering you about what they want you to do next year. _Mine_ are," James said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius laughed handsomely. "It's true! I've never felt so invigorated! They can't tell me shit!"

"Hey, Moony! Wanna see something cool?" James asked, smiling slyly.

"I don't know. Do I?" Remus asked in a calculating tone.

"Yeah, you do," Sirius said, nodding at James.

In a flash, James pulled out his red and gold Head Boy badge. He dangled it in front of Remus with a smug smile on his face. Remus' eyes grew wide. "Oh my gosh! No way!" Remus said, grabbing the badge from James' hand. "Awesome!" He gushed over the palm-sized golden emblem, twisting it every which way to inspect it thoroughly. "Who's Head Girl?" he asked, staring at this reflection in the polished badge. He was met with silence. "Hmm?" he asked, looking up at James. "Oh… _Oh!_ Oh my gosh! No. Way!" he said again, louder than ever. "Lily? Could you get any luckier?"

"Yeah, I could. If she would just go out with me," James grumbled, pouting.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. How come you're sitting here with us?" Remus asked, reluctantly handing back the Head Boy badge to James.

"I don't think she wants me to sit with her," James said pitifully.

_Doesn't your heart just break at unrequited love?_

"Quit whining," Sirius said glibly, rolling his wand in his fingers.

"I will when she agrees to go out with me," James said stubbornly.

"You have everything going for you, James," Remus said dejectedly. "I have no clue what I'll be doing next year. You'll probably be an Auror, fighting evil and I'll be sitting at home, reading a book."

"Nothing wrong with reading books," James said distractedly, pinning his badge onto his school robe. "How do I look?" he asked, puffing up his chest and looking off into the imaginary sunset.

"Smashing," Sirius proclaimed. Remus nodded in agreement.

"Good," James said, looking satisfied.

_I don't want to go through the entire train ride because frankly, it does not pertain to this story. Suffice to say, Sirius had yet to notice Remus. I know, right? Even after kissing him, Sirius had yet to notice Remus._

_Fade to scene._

"Oh, boy, I'm stuffed," James said, patting his stomach as he set down his knife and fork.

The Great Hall was filled with chatter and laughter and friends met again after a short two months. Teachers mingled amongst themselves. First years looked horrified. Second years looked considerably less so. Third years were actually comfortable in their seats. Fourth years were throwing food at each other. Fifth years were trying to look prim and proper with their Prefect badges. Sixth years were chatting languidly amongst themselves. Seventh years were scarfing down food like it was the last time they would ever get anything to eat… Ever.

"I can imagine. You just had three helpings," Frank said, rolling his eyes.

"What? I was hungry," James said, trying to justify himself.

"Yeah. With that never ending pit for a stomach, it's a wonder you stay so thin," Sirius said loudly.

_I think he was trying to drag Lily's attention to James' physique. I might be wrong though._

Lily hid her smile in her goblet of pumpkin juice.

_It worked._

"So, what shenanigans are you planning on doing tonight?" Alice asked.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm Head Boy. No more shenanigans for me."

Silence.

Lily snorted out her juice, laughing without inhibition. Remus and Sirius soon joined her, hooting. James looked miffed as he folded his arms in front of his chest, glaring at his friends.

_It was pretty funny. James without shenanigans was not James at all. Sirius had yet to notice Remus. I know, right? Even after seeing the lightly ruffled light brown hair rustle and the soft lips being pulled up into an innocent grin, Sirius had yet to notice Remus._

_Fade to scene_.

James and Peter were on the common room couch, chattering the night away about their summer months. Sirius was nodding off in front of the fire, his arms holding Vera with her back against his chest as he placed his head on her shoulder. It was past twelve and James had sent all the Gryffindors to bed with a stern look that vaguely resembled his father. The seventh years brushed him off, cracking open bottles of Butterbeer and talking quietly in the warm room.

_Such a nostalgic atmosphere_.

"GAH!"

"Holy sh –"

"What the f –"

"Er… Sorry, just a dream."

"Remus, you little fuck! I almost died," Sirius gasped, clutching his heart as he keeled over in fright.

Vera was giggling on the floor, waiting for Sirius to catch his breath. Soft titters sounded from across the room. Remus staggered off the armchair, shaking off his sleep. "Sorry, must've fallen asleep."

"Yeah, no shit," Sirius swore, taking in a calming breath. "Next time, keep your nightmares to yourself," he said, sitting upright.

"You don't _have_ to stay up," James grumbled, quieting his frightened heart too.

"R – right. I'm just gonna – um… good night, then," Remus stammered, stumbling out of the common room in mortification.

"What a baby," Sirius muttered, settling back down with Vera.

_Sirius had yet to notice Remus. I know, right? Even after seeing his hesitant eyes and fumbling feet, Sirius had yet to notice Remus._

_Fade to scene._

"Wake up. You're late!" Remus said, nudging Sirius's arm with his elbow.

"Late for what?" Sirius groaned, flipping over on his bed and covering his head with his comforter.

"Food."

"Right," Sirius yawned, falling asleep.

Remus shrugged at James, who'd just appeared in the dorm room. James shrugged back, winking at Remus. They whipped the blanket off of Sirius, watching him shiver against the cold the instant the warmth left his feet. "This is so not fair," Sirius whined. "I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want. And today, I want to sleep," he said as he sat up grumpily.

"Today is the first day. No way are we letting you sleep in," James said, dragging Sirius off of the bed. Remus pushed Sirius into the bathroom, closing the door after Sirius had made it inside.

Then he sighed, rolling his eyes at James. "Bet you a Galleon he's asleep already," he said, leaning against the doorframe.

James grinned. "You're on."

Remus pounded on the door with his fists. He was met with a loud yelp and a thud. He grinned, holding out his palm. "Cough it up." James laughed, handing over the gold coin. The door burst open, revealing a furious Sirius with a killer headache.

"What the hell!"

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't sleeping in there," Remus said nonchalantly, fingering the large coin.

"Hmph," Sirius huffed, slamming the door shut in his friends' faces.

_Sirius had yet to notice Remus. I know, right? Even after seeing the devilish glint in the soft grey eyes and the slight smirk that brought out a small dimple, Sirius had yet to notice Remus._

_Fade to scene._

"Why did I let you guys talk me into Arithmancy?" James groaned. Peter groaned with him, nodding in agreement.

"It's an easy class," Sirius said, swaggering down the crowded hall.

"And it's important to learn," Remus added.

"How the hell is it easy and why the fuck is it so important?" James carped.

"Just trust us, okay?" James rolled his eyes. Remus grinned at Sirius and continued, "Besides, I hear Lily Evans is going to drop Divination and take Arithmancy too." Now James eyes popped open with his mouth.

"What? Oh my gosh, you guys are the best!" he crowed in delight.

"We know," Sirius said, winking at Remus.

Right then, a whirlwind of blond hair, black robes, and warm hands rushed at Remus, throwing him against the wall. James and Sirius pulled out their wands, wild eyed. They got even more wild eyed –

_As if that were even possible._

- when they saw Remus making out with the blond.

_What the fuck!_

"What the fuck?" Peter squealed.

"Yeah, what the fuck?" James shouted.

"You have something on your face!" Sirius exclaimed.

The blond pulled away from Remus, resting her forehead on –

_Oh yeah, it's a girl._

- Remus', grinning sheepishly as she licked her lips. "Sorry, you were looking way too cute. Couldn't resist," she said, her arms still wrapped around his neck.

"Um… Right," Remus said, trying not to grin foolishly. He planted an airy kiss on her lips before extracting himself from her grip. "Er… This is Astrid. She – um, we…"

"You have a_ bloody girlfriend?_" James yelled. "You have a girlfriend you_ didn't tell us about?_"

"Y – yeah. Sorry."

_Oh sure, _now_ Sirius starts noticing Remus. For the love of Pete! (I don't know who Pete is.) Sirius noticed Remus' glazed eyes and his faint blush. He noticed his unruly hair that fingers had weaved through so easily. He noticed the slightly pink lips that was still moist. I think he just realized that Astrid was right, Remus _did_ look too cute. All it took was Remus' girlfriend to point it out to Sirius. That's just bloody fantastic… (That's sarcasm, by the way.)_

_Fade to black._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters; I just manipulate their thoughts.

**A/N:** Just trying out different styles, bear with me while I experiment on you guys! Please let me know which style you like better (as in do you like this chapter better than the last one, or not.)

-x-

_Step 1: Come to Terms with Your Emotions_

For Sirius, that meant deny, deny, deny. Quite the opposite of coming to terms, actually. He kept finding his eyes moving to Remus without prompt. He kept finding his fingers brushing against Remus' arm any chance he could get. He kept finding a perpetual smile on his face when he was near Remus. He kept finding himself daydreaming about strangling sweet Astrid and causing her untimely demise. And he hated finding himself in those situations.

Sirius had never been the shy type. He couldn't afford to be shy. Being the black sheep of his family – the only one to get into Gryffindor and the only one who did not want anything to do with Lord Voldemort, he needed to fend for himself. Being hardheaded was in his nature. Speaking his mind was part of who he was. Getting what he wanted was what he was good at. He couldn't afford to make mistakes in his life, especially now that his parents had disowned him and prejudices were high amidst the Wizarding world.

No, Sirius had never been the shy type. So why the hell was he finding it so hard to have a simple conversation with Remus?

"… then the hippogriff took off with the troll on its back. Oh, yeah, and the troll was eating a cheese puff."

"Hmm…"

"Seriously? Did you even hear what I just said?"

"Huh? Yeah, what?"

Remus rolled his eyes, muttering about hopelessly lost causes. James and Peter were laughing, shaking their heads at Sirius' glazed look. "Are you sick?" Remus asked, grabbing Sirius' chin and peering into his eyes.

"Whoa!" Sirius yelped at Remus' proximity, tipping his chair over and upending himself. "Ow…" He blinked at the ceiling, having some sense knocked into him from the fall.

Now Peter and James were collapsed on the table, crying with amusement. Remus shook his head at Sirius, pulling him back up. "Feeling better now?" Remus asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, loads," Sirius grumbled, sticking out his two fingers at his friends.

"I think he's still coming to terms with Astrid," James said, chuckling.

How true he was and how hard Sirius wished he wasn't. This was going much too far. In his mind, Sirius started to make a list of why he shouldn't think about Remus.

Remus is Sirius' best friend.

Remus is a werewolf.

Remus is a boy.

Remus has a girlfriend.

Sirius has a girlfriend.

Remus has enormous baggage.

The other half of his mind started to make a list of why he _should_ think about Remus.

Remus is Sirius' best friend. Best friends make perfect crushes. Enough said.

Remus is a werewolf. Sirius is an animagus. So what if Remus is a werewolf? Nothing Sirius hasn't handled before.

Remus is a boy. Remus is a very cute boy. With soft brown hair, large grey eyes, crooked lips and a charming nose. Yes, a very cute boy.

Remus has a girlfriend. Damned Astrid. Get Remus to break up with her…

Sirius has a girlfriend. No big deal.

Remus has enormous baggage. Sirius has enormous baggage. They could easily share the load.

Problem solved. Sirius' common sense and romanticism often clashed. He couldn't help it. Deny, deny, deny, um… deny, deny, de – er… deny, well… No, deny, deny, deny, deny, but he – no, deny, deny, deny, deny… deny… I _could_ just – argh, deny, deny, deny.

"Do I have something on me?"

Sirius snapped out of it, shaking his head to jolt his brain. He had been staring at Remus during dinner. He gave a loud groan, dropping his head in his hands. Remus turned to James, titling his head. "Do I?"

"Nope," James said, going back to his turkey leg.

"You're freaking me out, Paddy," Remus said, setting down his cutlery. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Astrid earlier, okay? It just – I don't know, it just happened. I'm still wrapping my head around it. I won't keep anything else from you," he said guiltily.

"I know," Sirius said behind his hands, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to quiet his rabid thoughts.

"Good."

"Does she know?" Sirius asked, peeking through his fingers.

"No."

"Don't tell her."

"Wasn't planning on telling her anytime soon."

Besides, even if Sirius did come to terms, how was he ever going to get Remus to notice him? Sure, Sirius had the lover appeal to him, having a reckless reputation and a strong libido. Girls swooned as he passed them in the halls. His aristocratic air was enough to garner attention. His rebellious attitude was every girl's dream. His sharp features and perfect hair attracted females to him like flies to sugar. But none of that mattered. Because Remus wasn't a girl. And Sirius wasn't interested. Deny, deny, deny, deny, stop staring, deny, deny, deny, stop smiling, deny, deny, start talking, deny, deny.

Shivers ran down Sirius' spine when he thought of the kiss. The spontaneous kiss. The innocent kiss. The kiss he wished he had paid more attention to. That way he could be sure. Because to Sirius, a kiss says more than words. It worked well for him so far. Girls were queuing up to get a swipe at Sirius' lips. He chose his girlfriends based on how well they kissed. And if Astrid's reactions were any indication of it, Remus was a good kisser. Damn it, deny, deny, deny, don't think about it, deny, deny, deny, were they soft? Deny, deny, sweet? Deny, deny, warm? Deny, deny, deny, de – oh, fuck it!

Why hadn't Sirius noticed Remus before? Due to Remus' lack of love interests? Perhaps. Sirius had always thought of Remus as _his_ wolf. And now, to see his wolf in another's arms was driving him insane. Not the 'I'm going to kill you, you fucking bitch' kind of insane. It was more like the, 'He's mine and like fuck I'm going to give him up that easy' kind of insane. The kind of insane that lit Sirius' eyes and made his face flush. The kind of insane that made Sirius who he was. The kind of insane that was going to help Sirius seduce his wolf.

* * *

_Step 2: Practice the Art of Seduction_

Obviously, before Sirius could take up the challenge, he'd need to know _how_ to seduce a _straight_ boy. Luckily, Hogwarts had no shortage of straight boys.

Smiling:

It's always a start. Smiling broke the ice. Smiling showed warmth. Smiling was a start. So that's how Sirius started. A small smile here, a wide grin there. At first, all he got back were confused looks and hesitant lip twitches. Sirius had never smiled in class before because he was always asleep during it. So when he started paying attention, the students in class perked up. Something was different about Sirius. He was – smiling?

"Um… who's he looking at?"

"You."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Did you do something?"

"I – I don't think so. Shit, I hope not!"

"Er – he's – um, smiling…"

"_What?_"

The first week was spent awkwardly for the boys in the classes Sirius was in. Sirius was oblivious. He disregarded his failed attempts and cherished the tentative return of his gesture. By the second week, he got more smiles than frowns. James, Remus and Peter shrugged at each other whenever they saw the exchanges. Sirius had wild mind games he liked to play. Perhaps this was one of them. They didn't bother to ask, knowing they'd just hear a convoluted version of his plan and wanting no part in it. Third week, half the students were expecting Sirius' welcoming smile as they entered their classroom.

_Smiling: Success_

Smiling Seductively:

Once again, not a hard task for Sirius. He was well aware of his seductive qualities. All he needed to do was lower his lashes slightly and pull up one corner of his mouth higher than the other. A charming, roughish smirk. He could flick it on and off like a switch. He started off with a soft smile and when he got one in return, he'd switch on.

"He's hitting on me!"

"_Wh – what_?"

"Sirius Black is totally hitting on me!"

"No fucking way."

Sure, it worked great with the gay ones. The straight ones, however, was another story.

"What the hell is he smiling at me like that for?"

Mixed reviews were all Sirius got. A few gave back faltering smiles and the rest scowled at him fiercely, feeling insecure about their standings. Yes, Sirius had that kind of an effect on them, even the straight ones. After a couple of weeks of seductive smiling, Sirius decided to scratch it off his list. He was getting much too many terrified looks. He did _not_ want Remus to be terrified of him.

_Smiling Seductively: Yae for gays, nay for straights._

So far, a month had passed. Sirius knew he had to act fast. Astrid and Remus were getting a little too comfy with each other for his liking. And he was getting a little too comfy with Remus in his dreams for his liking. Remus was starting to grow accustomed to Sirius' moody silences and odd looks. He knew Astrid was the reason for it. He had tried to talk to Sirius about her, but was always silenced by Sirius' furious glares. Remus knew Sirius was jealous. Oh, but if he only knew why…

Touching: (No, not that kind of touching. Ugh! Well… At least, not yet…)

Sirius imagined a soft, innocent touch on the shoulder would be a good start. Shoulders were neutral. Everybody had them. It was pretty useless. Just something your arms were attached to and a good place to sling your knapsack. Not many nerve endings were present on the bony appendage. Most people don't even notice it when you touch them on the shoulder. It was easy to touch, from behind or from the front. Yes, a very neutral place to start. So that's exactly what Sirius started doing. In the hall, if a friend stopped him, Sirius would gently touch him on the shoulder while smiling, gauging his reaction. It was always easy to get away with nonsense when talking to friends. All of them smiled back at him. Sirius needed to turn to his acquaintances, not his friends. Of course his friends wouldn't mind him touching their shoulders.

Having the feisty reputation he had, it was difficult for Sirius to get close enough to any boy to touch his shoulder. Most of them flinched away when he approached, or took a step back when he tried to invade their personal bubble. Of course, it was going to be easier with Remus. Sirius could punch him in the guts and Remus would just take it with a cheerful grin. After a week of unsuccessful trials, he realized that he'd have to practice on Remus. Not just any straight boy.

_Touching: To be continued._

Now, how on Earth was Sirius going to get Astrid off of Remus' face? At first he'd thought of talking Remus into breaking up with her. But it seemed like belated advice right now, considering the fact that Remus and Astrid had been happily dating now for two months. Then he thought of talking Astrid into breaking up with Remus. Easier said that done since Sirius had _never_ had a proper conversation with Astrid before.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Nice day."

"Yup."

"Hmm…"

"Well, see you around."

"Yeah."

And that was their most enthusiastic conversation as of yet. I know, such a nail biter. Sirius gave up on that idea. The third thing he could try was get her to fall for someone else…

Now there's a thought…

But who –

Surely not – no, that'd be – but then how would he – Remus would – it was – it was ingenious!

* * *

_Step 3: Seduce your Wolf's Girlfriend_

1. Start talking to her.

"Hey, Astrid!"

"Um… Hi."

"I was wondering whether you wanted to join us at Hogsmeade."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Um… O – okay."

2. Smile seductively

No biggie. Sitting in the booth at the Three Broomsticks while drinking pints of Firewhiskey would make anyone smile seductively. One crooked smile. A few fluttering eyelashes. A slight wink. That's all it took. Astrid was already warming up to Sirius' charms.

3. Be courteous.

Even though it was Sirius' sly flick of the wand that caused Astrid's bag to rip, he was still courteous enough to help her gather her fallen quills and parchments. Their fingers brushed. Sirius tried to hide his smile as Astrid flinched away. Something was brewing.

4. More 'accidental' touching

Shoulders bumped, fingers met arm, feet knocked against ankles.

* * *

Astrid sighed, leaning her head against the frame as she and Remus sat on the secluded windowsill. "Wanna hear something funny?" she asked him as she gently tapped the wood.

"Yes."

"Sirius is flirting with me."

Remus tilted his head slightly, running the statement over in his head. "He is?"

"Yes."

"Imagine that…" he said distantly. "_Why_?"

"That's what I've been trying to figure out myself."

"Do you think he's caught on?"

Astrid looked out into the night sky thoughtfully. She shrugged after a moment. "No."

"Hmm…"

"What do I do?"

Now it was Remus' turn to shrug. "What do you want to do?"

Astrid bit her lip, narrowing her eyes and smirking at Remus. "Have some fun."

Remus rolled his eyes at her. "Whatever floats your boat. Just don't do anything crazy."

"Crazy? Me? Pish posh!"

"And don't hurt him."

Astrid made a noise of frustration. "Fine."

"And don't fall for him."

"I won't."

"And don't make him fall for you…"

"Gosh darn it, Remus!"

"Because he's supposed to fall for me!"

_Miss me? No? Hmph… Just wanted to see your terrifyingly confused faces as you read this chapter. You think you're perplexed? Well, imagine me, watching all this without any sense of direction. At least you know what's going to happen in the end. I had no fucking clue. I did try to warn you about the excessive silliness. Nobody ever listens to me. Stop complaining._

_Fade to black._

-x-

**A/N: **So what do you think? Do you want the crazy, obnoxious author back or do you prefer the way I wrote this chapter?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters; I just manipulate their thoughts.

-x-

_Oooh boy, I can just see you guys squirming in your seats. I bet you're thinking, 'Remus Lupin, what the fuck?' You'd think that's what I'd be thinking too… But, at that moment, I was thinking more along the lines of 'Astrid Bloom, you little bitch.'_

_Why?_

_Fade to scene._

So maybe Step 3 worked a _little_ too well. Okay, so it worked a _lot_ too well. Because that night, Sirius was walking out of detention when he was grabbed from behind and thrown against the wall. Before he could reach for his wand, another pressed against his chest. He tried to make out the face in the dark hallway.

"Um, Astrid?" he squeaked in a very effeminate tone. He cleared his throat. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice much gruffer now.

"What are _you_ doing?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and smirking at Sirius.

"Er…"

"_You_ are trying to get with me…"

_Astrid, you perceptive little bitch._

Sirius was stunned into silence. He just gaped at her. She took that as a yes.

"Why?"

Sirius gaped.

"Do you like me that much?"

He just gaped.

"Because all this time, I could see that you were jealous…" she said in a slightly singsong voice.

_Uh oh, we all know what happens when a girl starts using her singsong voice. Nothing good. Well, sometimes you get laid if she uses her singsong voice on you…_

"Are you?"

"Um…"

"Tell me."

5. Run like hell from your wolf's crazy girlfriend.

"I – I'm just gonna – Um… I'm gonna go now, okay?"

"Oh, are you? Because for the past two weeks, it seemed like you were interested," she said, dropping her wand. Before Sirius could let out a sigh of relief, her palm pressed against his chest where her wand had been. He flattened against the wall. He usually knew what to do in typical situations. Let her get her way. But this wasn't one of those typical situations. Because he wasn't after the girl. He was after her boy.

"N – no. I – Remus…"

"Oh, I can handle the two of you."

_Yes, my jaw dropped just like yours. And just like Sirius'._

"Wh – what?"

"I said," Astrid whispered, stepping closer, "I can handle the two of you."

"Fu –" But the rest of the profanity was lost under Astrid's lips. Now both her hands were pressing Sirius against the wall, assaulting him with a torrent of kisses and nips. Her hands inched up towards Sirius' hair, one pressing urgently against his cheek while the other coiled around his black locks.

_Run like hell._

Sirius shoved Astrid away, sprinting out of the corridor.

_Yeah, you heard me right. Sirius ran away from a girl._

He rounded the corner jerkily, not bothering to hang back and listen to Astrid's questioning comment. He needed to get out of there as fast as he could. And he needed to talk to Remus before Astrid had a chance to.

6. Fuck, there is no 6. This is too messed up! Seducing your wolf's girlfriend? A fucking bad idea!

Once in the Gryffindor common room, Sirius finally stopped for some air. Because even he needs oxygen once in a while.

"You look like you're about to pass out," Peter mumbled from over his homework.

"I am," Sirius wheeze, dropping on all fours while gulping in the air.

"Running a marathon?" Peter asked.

Sirius groaned, flopping on his back as he regained the use of his lungs. "_Fuck_!" he shouted, beating on the floor with his fists and feet.

"You're a tad bit too old to be throwing a tantrum," Frank said as he looked at Sirius nonchalantly.

"Hey, mate, you alright?" Remus asked, loping down from his dorm room and kneeling beside Sirius.

"No," Sirius whined, pouting.

James was barking with laughter when he saw the scene in front of him as he walked into his common room. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"The usual," Peter mumbled. "And keep it down."

Lily and Alice stepped in through the porthole, stumbling to a halt at Sirius' prone figure. They shrugged and stepped over him, continuing their conversation on the Potions essay.

"What's wrong?" James asked again, his eyes following Lily as he crouched down beside Sirius.

"Everything," Sirius moaned dramatically.

Vera walked in, carrying her load of books. She narrowed her eyes at her ex-boyfriend, making sure to tread over his fingers as she stepped over him to get to the study tables.

"Fuck, Vera!" Sirius swore, clutching his throbbing hand.

She flicked her hair at him, joining Frank at the table.

"My life is turning to shit."

Remus and James had to dig their nails into their fists and bite their cheeks to keep from rolling on the floor with laughter. Sirius and his tantrums always took precedence over the world's problems. Hell, when Sirius threw a tantrum, Lord Voldemort was just a faint memory in everyone's minds.

"Aw, did poor wittle Paddy get wejected?" James asked, comfortingly patting Sirius' shoulder. The neutral touch.

_Far from the truth. He got what he asked for. And more._

"Hey, have you guys – oh, hey!" Astrid said cheerfully, stepping into the common room.

_Yes, everyone seemed eager to stall Sirius' tantrum._

That was all the prompt Sirius needed to shoot up at dizzying speeds. "You – you know the password?" he stammered.

James and Remus flicked their eyes from Sirius to Astrid, questioning frowns on their faces.

"Well, yeah…" Astrid said slowly. She knelt down next to Remus, planting a soft kiss on his lips. "My boyfriend's in Gryffindor, after all," she grinned.

"I'm gonna hang out with Astrid for a bit. And calm the fuck down, Sirius," Remus said, getting up.

"No!" Sirius said loudly.

Remus blinked. "Okay… Don't calm down…" he said, as Astrid grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door.

"Not that!" Sirius muttered fiercely, grabbing Remus' other hand and pulling him away from the door. "I need to talk to you," he hissed.

"I need to talk to him, first," Astrid said.

"I'm his best friend, I get first dibs."

"I'm his girlfriend, I get first everything."

And there was poor Remus, caught in between the tug of war. James folded his arms in front of his chest, pouting. "Hey, I thought I was your best friend," he said in mock dejection.

"Semantics," Remus quipped, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. From the tight squeezes Astrid was giving him, he knew it had something to do with what Sirius was so damn eager to talk about. "Um, so I'm gonna go with her, okay?" he said, knowing Sirius was about to blow up in his face.

"_What_?"

Remus took the opportunity to pull his hand out of Sirius' hand and run out of the room with Astrid trailing behind him.

"_Shit_!"

Sirius ran after them, tripping out of the common room and looking both ways. They were gone.

"_Fuck!_"

"Language, Mr. Black!" the Fat Lady chided, covering her dainty ears.

"Fucking bitch, I'm going to kill her. Shit!"

The Fat Lady fainted.

_Poor lady…_

_Fade to scene.

* * *

_

"What did you do?" Remus asked, panting as they slipped into a small hollow behind the snoring knight.

"I kissed him!" Astrid said, her eyes wide with mischief and her grin splitting her face.

"_What_?"

"I kissed him. And he freaked out!"

"He – wh – he frea – why?"

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Do I have to spell every single thing out to you?"

"Yes! I'm so confused. He ran into the common room and started throwing a huge fit. That was about _you_? I told you not to mess with him! He was going mental!"

"Yeah! I know, right? It was freaking awesome!"

"What, the kiss?"

"The kiss was crap."

Remus scowled. "He's a great kisser."

"How would you know?"

"Um…"

"_You kissed him_?"

"_No!_ Sheesh…" Remus blurted, blushing. "Er – he kissed me…"

"WHAT?"

"It was a joke!"

"A JOKE?"

"Shut up! You'll wake everyone!"

"You are so dense! The kiss was crap because he didn't want to kiss me," Astrid exclaimed.

"But you said he was flirting with you."

"And he didn't want to kiss me."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Let's piece it together, you duffer. He's flirting with me, but he doesn't want to kiss me. He's jealous, but he doesn't want to kiss me. I threw myself at him, but he doesn't want to kiss me."

Remus banged the back of his head against the wall. "Get to the point."

"He wants me to break up with you!"

"By not kissing you… That's just great."

"He wants me to break up with you because he wants to kiss _you_!"

Crickets…

"Remus?"

Only quiet… Maybe one raindrop…

_Bonus cool points for anyone who knows where that's from! Ahem, anyways, back to clueless Remus._

"Still with me?"

"It – worked?" he squeaked.

"Yeah! It worked!"

Remus ran his fingers through his hair in distress. "Oh my fucking Merlin! What do I do? Do I say something to him? Fuck, he must hate me – no, he's going to kill me! I didn't even think it would work. Goddamn it! I can't believe you kissed him! I can't believe he wants to kiss me! How did this –"

"Calm the heck down. I have a plan."

"I don't like your plans. Your plan got me into this mess. He thinks I'm straight!"

"So? He's straight too…"

"Uh…"

"Anyways, here's how it works."

_And here I am, running tight circles in my brain, trying to keep tabs on who wants to snog whom, who wants to kill whom, and who wants to fuck whom. Gave me a serious headache._

_Fade to scene.

* * *

_

_Step 4: Unwittingly fall for your Wolf's Made-up-Girlfriend's Plan_

Remus stormed into his dorm room, fuming as he paced in front of his bed. Sirius had seen him running up the stairs and feared the worst. So he stood by the door, biting his lip as he watched Remus kick at trunks and punch pillows. He ventured into the room.

"Um… Moony?" he asked in trepidation.

"Shut up."

Sirius shut up.

"I can't believe you went behind my back, you lying, cheating son of a bitch!"

Sirius stifled his groan.

"You tried to steal _my_ girlfriend?"

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut.

"You _kissed_ her?"

Sirius bit his lip.

"We broke up. Happy?"

"Look, I – she – I never –"

"Shut up."

Sirius shut up.

"And you know what else?" Remus said suddenly, turning around and planting his hands on his hips. "She said you were an _awful_ kisser."

_Oh man, did that ever sting…_

"I'm not," Sirius huffed, mirroring Remus' stance.

"Whatever, you egotistical bastard."

"In fact, I'm an amazing kisser."

"Oh my gosh, do you ever just shut up?"

_I was jumping up and down with excitement! This was the earth-shattering kiss I was waiting for! About fucking time! GAH!_

"Besides, I didn't kiss her. She kissed me."

Remus blinked at Sirius. He was waiting for more. According to Astrid's instructions. From the look in his eyes, all he really wanted to do was snog the lips off of Sirius. Sirius was, of course, oblivious to the look. He continued, "So, no, it's not all my fault. I wasn't trying to steal you stupid excuse for a girlfriend."

"So what exactly _were_ you doing?"

_Damn you! Where's that kiss?_

_Step 5: Get Everything Under Control_

"I – er… I – um…"

"Spit it out."

"She wasn't right for you," Sirius blurted out.

Remus bit his tongue to keep from smiling. "And you would know? She broke up with me because she liked you more. Does that mean she's right for you?"

"She's not right for me, either," Sirius said rapidly, keeping his eyes on his shoes.

"What the fuck are you playing at?"

"Nothing!"

"So you kiss – oh, sorry, _she_ kisses _you_ because _you_ flirted with _her_ and now you're telling me she's not right for you?"

"Look, it's all a misunderstanding."

_Step 5 was becoming an utter failure!_

"Well, I hope you are satisfied now. I'm miserable, she's miserable, and you're miserable. Great fucking job, Sirius. And all you got from it was a ruddy, miserable kiss."

_Step 6: Fuck it all, just do it!_

Sirius strode up to Remus…

_Yes, yes…_

He pushed him against the bedpost…

_Of fuck yes!_

"It was _not_ a miserable kiss," Sirius snarled, wrapping his arm around Remus' waist…

_Oh my dear Merlin, I love you SO much!_

Sirius pushed hard lips against Remus, demanding compliance. His fingers bruised Remus' narrow hips as he pulled them towards him. He bit down on Remus' bottom lip, eliciting a gasp. That was all the opportunity Sirius needed to push his tongue into Remus. He pressed into Remus forcefully, moving one arm up and tangling his fingers into Remus' hair. He wrapped his tongue around Remus', tugging it. Remus held onto the bedpost for dear life.

"What the _fuck_?"

_NO! JAMES POTTER, I am going to murder you in your sleep!_

Sirius untangled himself from Remus, staggering back. James was pale as a ghost, grabbing the door to keep himself upright. Remus stumbled backwards, sitting heavily on the bed with glazed eyes.

"Y – you just – and he – but wh – how di – I – I – I'm gonna throw up," James stammered, sprinting out of the dorm room, leaving Remus and Sirius.

"Why did you do that?" Remus asked distantly, touching his sore lips.

Sirius was blushing furiously, gulping down his nerves. He couldn't speak because he was too mortified.

"You – just – you kissed me?" Remus exclaimed, blinking his eyes back into focus. "You just bloody kissed me?"

"I – um – you said – I was just – I'm not a miserable kisser…"

Remus stared at Sirius' downturned face, an incredulous laughter building up in him. Astrid was right. Sirius wanted to kiss him.

"You arse!" Remus laughed, lunging at Sirius and toppling him onto the bed.

"What?" Sirius breathed, staring at Remus' face.

"I _know_ you aren't a miserable kisser," Remus said, fluttering his lips against Sirius' mouth.

_Please, for Merlin's sake and for the sake of my sanity, lock the door…_

The door slammed shut as Remus wandlessly flicked his hand at it. "No more interruptions."

"What?" Sirius asked again as he breathed in Remus' sweet scent.

"No more James…" Remus smiled, parting Sirius' lips and dropping his tongue into his mouth for a tender taste. He groaned helplessly as he tugged at Sirius' hair and ran his other hand down his chest. "Wow," he sighed.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.

_Oh, for – just shut up and kiss him_.

"Just shut up and kiss me."

"Okay…"

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus, crushing him. Their tongues danced against each other, softly kneading and tasting. Sirius moved his hand, accidentally touching Remus' skin. Remus gasped, pulling away from Sirius' mouth and moving down to his neck. Sirius' hand traveled under Remus' shirt, running up his scarred back. Remus made his way from one side of Sirius' neck to the other, lacing red marks as he moved.

"This can't be real," Sirius murmured.

"Believe me, it's about as real as it gets…"

"But – you – and Astrid?"

"I thought I told you to shut the fuck up, Paddy!"

"I'm so confused. Why are you kissing me?"

"Because you want me to."

"Oh…"

"And because I want to."

"You do?"

"And because Astrid wants me to."

"She does?"

"Why were you flirting with her? Honestly?"

"So she'd break up with you…"

"It worked."

"Imagine that."

"What was the next part of your plan?"

"Not this…"

"What was it?"

"To seduce you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Remus pulled away, his hands pressing down on Sirius' shoulders, pushing him into the mattress. A not-so-neutral touch in his case since he was straddling Sirius' hips. "Seduce me."

"What?" Sirius asked, his lustful eyes clearing into confusion.

"Seduce me," Remus said, slipping off of Sirius.

"Why?" Sirius asked, propping himself up on his elbows to find Remus straightening his shirt.

"Because that's the next part of your plan."

"But you just – I don't need to…" Sirius said, frowning in puzzlement.

"It'll be – fun!"

"_Fun_?"

"Yeah."

"You're mental."

"So are you."

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend?"

Remus winked. "Not yet…"

_Step 7: Seduce your Wolf_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters; I just manipulate their thoughts.

-x-

_Step 7: Seduce your Wolf_

"Could either of you fill me in on what the hell happened last night?" James asked, not looking at either Sirius or Remus.

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing happened."

"Yeah, don't know what you're talking about," Remus said.

"Does that mean you just tripped and fell on his kisser? Tell me that's what happened," James pleaded.

"Yes, that's what happened. I apologized and now it's all back to normal," Sirius said nonchalantly.

"Keep it that way. Please, keep it that way…"

Sirius made sure to sit next to Remus in his classes instead of James. James conveniently looked over that, talking loudly with Peter so he could avoid Sirius and Remus.

Smiling:

Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall was going along swimmingly with books, parchments, quills, and ink. Anytime Remus glanced at Sirius, Sirius smiled. Remus would smile back warmly, his licorice wand hanging off one corner of his mouth. Of course, after the tenth time, Remus was more than slightly puzzled and he put his quill down forcefully.

"What?" he hissed.

Sirius shrugged, grinning.

"Do you want one?" Remus asked in confusion, holding out a stick of licorice.

"Sure," Sirius said, smiling as he took it.

Remus went back to his notes. After a few minutes, he glanced at Sirius again. Glanced at Sirius' smiling lips. He rolled his eyes. "_Now_ what do you want?"

Sirius shrugged, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes. He studiously ignored Sirius as he scribbled away on his paper. But studiously ignoring Sirius was not going to make Sirius ignore Remus. Remus felt a nudge on his elbow and he absently glanced up. At Sirius' damned smile.

"What the f –" Remus started saying.

"Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin, eyes to the front. You can have your little lover's spat after class," Professor McGonagall called out sharply.

That wiped the smile off of Sirius' face and put one on Remus'.

_Smiling: Works to an extent._

Smiling seductively:

Trust Sirius to try this in Potions. Professor Slughorn was making his rounds, sniffing this and waving his hand at that. Remus and Sirius were working together over one cauldron. Remus was doing everything in his power to stop Sirius from blowing them up to kingdom come.

"Sirius," Remus muttered fiercely as he stopped the mangled tail of gray rat from falling into the cauldron. He threw the useless ingredient into the waste bucket disgustedly. He turned to glare at Sirius.

Sirius turned on his seductive smile, lowering his lashes and cocking a corner of his lip up slightly. Remus blinked, looking away quickly.

Sirius started stirring the cauldron, throwing caution to the wind. Remus grabbed the ladle out of Sirius' hand, growling. "Please, read the instructions," he said, frowning at Sirius.

Again with the smile. Remus stared for a moment longer this time, confused. Then he looked back at the bubbling pot.

"Not bad, Mr. Lupin. A tad bit too green and it smells a bit fishy, but other than that, good job. Not saying much for you, Mr. Black," Professor Slughorn said.

"Yes, no thanks to Mr. Black," Remus muttered as the professor walked away. He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, looking at Sirius in contempt.

There was the smile again. Remus' eyes widened and his mouth relaxed. Then came a wink. Remus felt an unconscious smile growing on his face. He winked back.

_Smiling seductively: Success._

Touching:

Shoulders seemed kind of pointless to Sirius, but he still tried. Herbology was a good class to try this with. At least he could move around in the greenhouses. Although the snow was a foot deep, the greenhouse was warm and humid. Remus was idly pulling his sprouts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up languidly at Sirius. "What?" he asked.

"Just wondering how far you got," Sirius said.

"This is taking bloody forever. So, not far at all," Remus grumbled, returning to his stubborn sprouts.

"Alright," Sirius said, giving Remus' shoulder a squeeze.

Sirius returned to his seat, his thoughts moving rapidly. Shoulders were much too neutral. With girls, the small of their backs seemed to do the trick. Sirius decided to try it. So the next time Remus got up to get two more pots, Sirius walked with him. He eyed Remus' back, noting the oh so subtle hint of arse against the school robes. He casually placed his hand against Remus' back, applying even pressure.

"Hmm?" Remus asked, glancing at Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. He applied more pressure on Remus' back, essentially guiding him to the bench with pots arranged neatly on them. Remus smiled abashedly and Sirius noticed the faint blush growing. He grinned in wonder, stepping closer to Remus until their legs brushed. When he felt Remus stiffen, he stepped away quickly. Remus frowned at Sirius disconcertedly. Sirius held back his surprised gasp when he felt Remus step closer, making their legs touch more forcefully.

"Oh?" Sirius asked devilishly.

Apparently, Remus had just realized that he was pressed against Sirius. He pulled away and tried to look nonchalant. "What?" he asked, picking up the pots in his hands.

"I didn't say anything," Sirius said, sauntering back to his seat. Remus took a moment to clear his mind before returning to his lab bench.

Small of the back worked _very_ well, indeed. Sirius shifted on his stool, his knee touching Remus' thigh gently. Remus fumbled with his wand, glancing Sirius with narrowed eyes. Sirius appeared to be too engrossed in his potting to notice Remus. Remus moved his leg away from Sirius as he tried to concentrate. Sirius bit his lip to keep from smiling as he shifted further, pressing himself against Remus from hips to knees. Remus shivered at the innocent touch, his mind dizzying and his eyes growing unfocused. Sirius felt the tremor and wondered how far he could take this before Remus blew up. He casually reached over and felt the soil in Remus' pot with his fingers. As he pulled back, he brushed his hand against Remus' knuckles – no once, but thrice. Remus closed his eyes in an attempt to distract his body from reacting to Sirius.

Sirius dropped his hand onto Remus' thigh.

Remus tumbled off his stool.

_Touching: Must do MORE OFTEN._

Fiddling with hair:

Girls always find it so romantic with boys brush a strand of hair away from their faces. Unfortunately for Sirius, Remus didn't have strands of hair to brush away. His light brown hair was always brushed neatly and it was much too short to fall in his face. Sirius pondered his next course of action when snow fell. Perfect.

Hogsmeade weekend was here and last-minute Christmas shopping was going at full force. James, Peter, Sirius and Remus were trudging up the embankment with the rest of the school, straggling back at the edges of the crowd. Snow was falling all around them, not thick enough to blind, but not light enough to melt away.

The snow glazed Remus' hair. Sirius smiled under his scarf, bringing up his gloved hand. Then he frowned at his gloved hand. He wrenched the glove off, shoving it in his pocket. He brought up his ungloved hand and brushed the snow off of Remus' hair. Remus' looked up at Sirius with curious eyes. Sirius smiled, but all Remus could see were the crinkled and amused eyes peeking out from under the pile of winter clothes. Sirius ran his freezing fingers through Remus' damp hair. Remus pulled his scarf down, uncovering his nose and mouth. "It's just going to get snowed on again," he said with a small grin.

Sirius stumbled at the sight of Remus' pink cheeks and wet lips. His fingers tightened around the roots of Remus' hair. Remus noticed the amused eyes dilating rapidly. "Oh," was all he could say before Sirius tugged off his own scarf and pulled Remus hair. Remus gasped as his head fell back and Sirius's warm lips cascaded into his mouth. Remus closed his eyes lightly, feeling the lips move like water, dripping into his mouth. Sirius' fingers were tangling helplessly into Remus' hair. Remus was too caught up in the kiss to consider moving closer. So he moaned in surprise when he felt Sirius' body pressing against his. The chilled wind blew at them, but they didn't feel it as their hot breaths came together.

"This is _not_ back to normal."

Remus laughed into Sirius' mouth. He opened his eyes and glanced at James' defeated face. Sirius had just parted Remus' mouth and dragged his tongue along Remus'. The two groaned simultaneously and Remus closed his eyes again, wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck and arching up.

"Please, stop."

Sirius made a determined growl of negation. Remus couldn't make a sound as Sirius rolled his tongue against Remus' cheeks. Sirius felt his hair being wrenched painfully as Remus tried to hold onto his senses.

"Are you _trying_ to make me hurl?"

Remus was on his tiptoes now, trying to match Sirius' fervor. His fingers danced against Sirius' hair. The black silk ribbon that held Sirius' hair in place was pulled free and it fell to the snowy ground. Remus had finally managed to push Sirius' tongue out of his mouth. He pushed his in, gasping at Sirius' taste. His hands bunched Sirius' hair in anticipation and his tongue lapped into Sirius' mouth.

"We're leaving… Now."

Remus and Sirius nodded in acknowledgement. If the kiss could get any deeper, it did. Both tongues moved rapidly in and out of each other's lips. Sirius had to use all his strength to keep from falling backwards into the snow as Remus pushed into him. Remus had to use all his strength to stop from ripping Sirius' clothes off. With a burst of exhilaration, the two boys crushed together with hard, demanding lips and a flurry of hands before pulling apart. Remus leaned his head against Sirius' shoulder, trying to catch his breath. Sirius pressed his cheek against Remus' hair, a handsome grin on his face.

"That doesn't count," Remus gasped, trying to still his racing heart.

"What? Why not?" Sirius asked indignantly, running his fingers down Remus' hair.

"Because you can't just kiss me."

"There are rules?"

"Well, yeah! You're supposed to seduce me into kissing you, not kiss me into kissing you."

"It's all the same to me," Sirius murmured.

"_I'll_ kiss you. Don't kiss me."

"Hardly seems fair."

"Seduction is never fair."

_Fiddling with hair: Works better for Sirius than Remus._

Sweet talk:

Girls love sweet talk, how much different could wolves be?

"Well, aren't you looking snappy today?"

"Hmm, thanks, I think so too."

Compliments on looks were good.

"Great form on that broom."

"Really? James said it was crap."

Insincere compliments were not so good.

"Hell, you got Outstanding? Prick."

"Thanks!"

Jealous gripes were good.

"Three Broomsticks at five?"

"Sure."

Dates were good.

"Shall I compare thee to a midsummer's day?"

"Nope. But thanks for trying."

Spouting Shakespeare was not so good.

"Got you some chocolate frogs."

"Aw, thanks!"

Chocolates were good.

"How about that game, huh?"

"Meh."

Talking about things your wolf is not interested about was not so good.

"Those Crugs were a pain in the neck."

"Did you know Crugs can stay underground for…"

Talking about things your wolf is interested about was good. Even if you aren't in the slightest mood to listen to him.

_Sweet talk: Needs practice._

Not knowing what the hell you did:

Like this time…

"She said yes!" James shouted as he hurtled up the stairs into the dorm room.

"What?" Sirius exclaimed, jumping off of his bed.

"She said yes!"

Sirius laughed in wonderment, thumping James on the back with enthusiasm. "Don't fucking blow it," he said.

James sighed dreamily. "She likes me," he said, falling backwards onto the mattress with a glazed look in his eyes.

"Of course she does. I knew she did," Sirius said, winking at Remus.

Remus watched James and Sirius converse rapidly, a soft smile on his lips.

And this time…

The first Quidditch game after the snow was between Slytherin and Hufflepuff. Gryffindor was content cheering for anyone _but_ the Slytherins, even if the Hufflepuffs were total pants at flying. The score was at eighty and ten for the Slytherins. The race of the Snitch began.

The Hufflepuff Seeker was winded in two minutes of chasing after the elusive Snitch. The Slytherin Seeker was right on the tail of the golden ball, following its every twists and dives with precision. As they neared the Gryffindor bleachers, the Snitch decided that it was a good idea to stop. The Seeker grinned as he easily captured the stalled Snitch in his fingers. The crowd erupted with loud boos and hisses.

Regulus searched the crowd of Gryffindors. He caught sight of Sirius and hesitancy filled his eyes. Sirius shrugged and smiled weakly. Regulus gave a hint of a wink, turning his broom around and hurtling back to the ground towards his teammates with the Snitch held tightly in his hand.

Remus touched Sirius' shoulder, a soft smile on his lips.

Or that time…

Sirius stretched his arms above his head, groaning tiredly. "I can't do this anymore," he said, grumpiness making his voice whiny.

Remus sighed. "If you had paid attention in Charms, you wouldn't have to," he said, flipping through the parchments that were scattered on Sirius' bed. Thanks to the silencing charm, the other boys in the dorm weren't awakened by Sirius and Remus' midnight study session.

"I'm so tired," Sirius complained, pouting.

"Just one more hour. Besides, I'm not the one who is about to fail the test," Remus said, finding the paper he was looking for and shoving it into Sirius' hand.

They sat under the canopied bed, Remus pulling out notes he thought Sirius should read and Sirius jerking awake every two minutes as he tried to study and sleep at the same time. Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll wake you up," he muttered, crawling over the books and paper to sit alongside Sirius. Sirius blinked groggily at Remus. Remus ran his fingers down Sirius' arm, wrapping them around Sirius' hand. Sirius smiled, tightening his fingers. "Awake yet?" Remus asked, using his free hand to wave the parchments in front of Sirius' face. Sirius nodded. He slipped his fingers out of Remus' grasp. He pulled Remus' arm up and draped it over his shoulder. Sirius sighed, nuzzling against Remus' chest as one arm circled around Remus' back and another over his stomach.

"I said you needed to wake up, not sleep," Remus whispered.

"Too late," Sirius murmured, drawing his legs up and curling them on top of Remus' legs. "Too late…"

"Sirius, wake up," Remus said.

"I won't fail."

"Well, if you're planning on sleeping, I need to get to my bed."

"Sleep here. I don't mind," Sirius mumbled, his arms squeezing Remus weakly. "Stay."

Remus dropped his free hand on Sirius' hair, brushing it back gently. "Okay," Remus whispered, a soft smile on his lips.

And this time…

"Hi, Sirius," Bonnie said flirtatiously, sitting down next to him in the Great Hall.

"Hey," Sirius said with his usual grin.

"So, I was wondering… We are having a party in our common room tonight. Did you want to come?" she asked through her lowered lashes.

"Hmm… Really? Ravenclaw common room? Always wanted to see it," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"Oh sure, I'll give you the _whole_ tour," Bonnie said playfully, running her finger up Sirius' arm.

"The whole tour, huh?"

"Of course. You'll be our guest," she said, smothering him with a teasing look. She leaned in conspicuously, her cheek pressed against his. "_My_ guest," she whispered into his ear.

Sirius smiled as she pulled away. "And what does being your _guest_ entail?" he asked, wondering how much he could wheedle out of her.

"The question should be," Bonnie said elusively, "what _doesn't_ it entail…"

That left absolutely nothing for the imagination. The Gryffindor table was silent, listening to the conversation with amusement and nervousness. Remus was sitting on the other side of Sirius, refusing to look up. He was stabbing his vegetables with fury. His fellow Gryffindors glanced from Remus to Sirius to Bonnie, anxious to see the outcome.

"Not subtle, are you?" Sirius asked, oblivious that everyone at his table could hear the conversation.

"You know me, Black. When have I ever been subtle with you?"

"Tempting…"

"Would you like a preview?"

A fork clattered noisily on a plate. "_No_, he wouldn't," Remus growled. He spun Sirius around on the bench and punched him in the jaw. An ominous crack sounded as Sirius felt the pain shooting from his teeth to his head. He blinked back the stars and he felt himself falling backwards. He didn't fall for long before he was yanked by the tie and pulled back up. He found himself staring at Remus' furious eyes. Remus mashed his lips against Sirius, ignoring the painful groan Sirius gave out. Sirius tried to push Remus away but Remus wouldn't budge. He bit down on Sirius' bottom lip, eliciting a gasp. He took everything Sirius had and demanded more. Sirius caved in, his hands wrapped around Remus' neck as he sunk into the kiss. Remus calmed down considerably as Sirius started to kiss back. He breathed out, gently caressing Sirius' jaw and running fingers through his hair. After a minute of soft, open-mouthed kisses they broke apart. Remus' hand was still touching Sirius' bluing jaw.

"I – er… Sorry," he said, searching Sirius' eyes.

"You – you just – you broke my jaw!"

"I know. I said I'm sorry," Remus muttered, looking away.

"You kissed me?"

Remus didn't answer.

"You were _jealous_?"

Remus bit his lip.

"Does this mean you want to be my boyfriend?"

Remus glanced up at Sirius. "I – um…"

"Yes?"

Remus shrugged. "I guess."

"What the hell just happened?" Bonnie asked loudly, breaking the trance the table seemed to be in. The Gryffindors hooted and thumped the table, laughing in excitement as Sirius pulled Remus into another breathtaking kiss.

_Not knowing what the hell you did: Works like a charm._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters; I just manipulate their thoughts.

-x-

_I warned you about excessive smuttiness. This part of the story is going to make your tongues fall out of your mouths and other things to drip out of other places… nudge, nudge, wink, wink._

The school was abuzz with the recent news about Sirius and Remus. It was like a slap in the face for the girls Sirius had dated over the seven years. It was a kick in the nuts for the boys who had wet dreams about Sirius over the seven years. Remus got the brunt of the pain. He was on the receiving end of dirty looks and envious scowls. Remus, being Remus, smiled apologetically at them. He bore the nasty quips and furious taunts bravely. Sirius, being Sirius, was attached to Remus' face whenever possible. Remus found himself pushed against walls and corners no less than five times a day, close to fifteen times on good days. Sirius' libido spikes had been the talk of the school for years. This year was no exception. Usually, he would just bed one of the eager girls. That would satiate him for couple of months. Easy enough. Remus, on the other hand…

With Remus, Sirius needed two lays a month…

"Heard he doesn't put out."

Remus yelped into Sirius' mouth when he felt a hand snaking down his pants. "What are you –"

Sirius hushed him with a harsh bite to the tongue. Remus shuddered as Sirius dragged a thumb over his half-hardened tip. All it took were a few more swipes before Remus was weeping pre-cum. He moaned in aggravation when Sirius' hand moved away, then gasped anew when he felt his shirt being ripped open and his pants being pulled down. Sirius' gaze was enough to make Remus want to orgasm, so he closed his eyes from the onslaught that was bound to descend. Sirius dragged his mouth over Remus, kissing and licking his scarred body with reckless abandon. Remus never felt so alive. With Sirius on top of him, his body was feeling sensations he never knew he could feel – indescribable sensations.

Sirius ran his warm hands down Remus, touching each chiseled muscle. Sirius found that Remus responded very enthusiastically when nipped against the side of his stomach. Remus moaned as the pleasure rippled from his chest to his limbs and groin. Sirius settled between Remus' legs, noisily kissing and tracing Remus' stomach, moving down slowly and steadily. Remus was quivering as he felt Sirius' hard breathing against his erection. He slammed his head back against the mattress and wrenched the covers free as Sirius engulfed him in one smooth plunge. The wet mouth felt cold against Remus' hot shaft. Sirius marveled absently at the length, feeling it grow in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the entire girth once, sucking deeply. Remus felt Sirius' mouth contracting against his arousal, and being the virgin he was, started coming instantaneously.

"Pull out," he gasped, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he arched up against his first real orgasm.

Sirius' mouth stayed put, pumping into Remus with fervor. Remus' tip was pushing harshly against Sirius' throat, but he quelled the urge to gag, shifting so that he could take in more of what Remus had to give. Remus shuddered, releasing himself into Sirius. He was too far gone to know what was happening. His breath hitched painfully and his muscles contracted against the force. Sirius was gently stroking Remus' shaking thighs, willing them to calm down. His mouth still claimed Remus, lapping him up with a satisfying wet sound. When Remus finally relaxed into the mattress, Sirius pulled his mouth off and wiped his chin. He crawled on top of Remus and kissed him long and slow. Remus wrapped his tired arms around Sirius, tasting himself in Sirius' mouth.

"Hold off a bit longer next time, Moony," Sirius said, feeling Remus' tongue drinking him.

"First time," Remus breathed, rolling Sirius over. "You taste so good…"

"So do you."

A month later, Sirius needed a lay a week…

"Maybe they don't know how to do it."

Sirius was snoring softly in bed. He didn't hear the curtains around his bed shifting slightly or feel his bed sinking on one side. He didn't hear the muffled spell being cast or feel the weight pressing against his side. He moaned sleepily as he felt lips pushing against his gently. He sighed, turning towards the lips. Soft hands ran down his neck and slipped under his shirt. After a few runs up and down his torso, he felt the hands moving away. He smiled faintly, nestling against the warm body next to him and falling asleep. An even pressure presented itself against Sirius' groin, causing him to squirm. His head was between Remus' chin and chest. He wrapped his arm around Remus' waist, pulling him closer. The pressure increased and moved rhythmically. Sirius was starting to breathe unevenly now. He felt fingers wrapping around his waistband and pulling his pajamas down.

"Remus…"

"Hmm?"

Sirius smiled in the dark, shaking his head in wonder. His boxers followed his pajamas and he felt Remus' fingers grasping him slowly. He hummed in anticipation, his knee slipping between Remus' legs and holding him tight. Remus started to move his fingers slowly. Sirius felt small jolts running through his stomach whenever Remus touched his most sensitive parts. He buried his face against Remus' chest, feeling the even beat. Remus made a disconcerting sound and he pulled his hand away from Sirius' erection. Before Sirius could protest, the fingers returned, this time slicked in lubricant. He moaned loudly, biting into Remus' shirt. Now Remus was moving quickly, using both his hands to work Sirius to a near frenzy. Sirius wrung Remus' shirt as he felt his cock growing under the stimulation. He didn't know where Remus' fingers were going to move next, and that suspense made him throb. He was groaning and gasping into Remus as he pumped into the hands. He was being pushed further and further towards the edge. Remus knew when to slow down and when to speed up. He was a boy, after all. Sirius convulsed at odd intervals, waiting for release but unable to achieve it. He was whimpering against Remus' shirt, feeling the well-greased fingers tug him more and more fervently.

"_Now_."

Sirius gasped at the commanding voice. He threw back his head, his shout caught in his throat as he came explosively. All his body heat flew towards his groin, expelling his seed into Remus' hands and clothes. He pushed into Remus' hand one last time, feeling the ridges and soft palm against his rapidly softening cock. He breathed out slowly, sinking into the bed. Sirius' arms weakened around Remus as he fell limp from the aftermath of the climax. Remus' hands left him and he felt a quick cleaning charm being used on his spent groin. He shuddered one last time, and then moved his head back to Remus' chest. He kissed Remus over the heart.

"Best wet dream ever," he said groggily.

"I figured."

And a week later…

"Besides, you can't have sex in school."

"I can't keep up," Remus panted, tugging Sirius' tie free as their tongues clashed.

"Me neither," Sirius mumbled, pushing his hand into Remus' pants. "I want you so bad," he hissed, handling Remus roughly. He dropped his head onto Remus' shoulder.

"Then have me."

Sirius stopped mid-stroke, staring at his hand hidden inside Remus' slacks. He gulped loudly, his forehead pressed against Remus. "What?" he breathed.

"Have me."

"I – you – but –"

Remus growled, wrenching Sirius' stilled hand out of his boxers. He pushed one hand against the back of Sirius' neck and another around his waist, kissing him passionately. Sirius stood in stunned silence, opening his mouth to accommodate Remus' familiar tongue. Remus tried to elicit a response from Sirius, but all his got was a still mouth and blinking eyes. With another snarl, Remus wrapped his fingers on either side of Sirius' waist. He picked Sirius up and threw him onto the bed. Sirius bounced twice and he dug into the mattress to keep from falling off the other end. Remus lunged onto him, one hand entwining painfully into Sirius' hair and the other struggling to unbutton the shirt. He pushed hard lips against Sirius. Sirius snapped to his senses, slapping Remus' hand away from his shirt and undoing it himself. He pulled it open, sitting upright and leaning into Remus as he shrugged the shirt off. Remus was now straddling Sirius, his hands roaming across Sirius' warm back. Sirius started unbuttoning Remus, gasping each time Remus bit his lip. Remus let go of Sirius, lips still attached, as he tried to untangle the sleeves of his shirt. Sirius helped, almost ripping it in the process. Once the unnecessary shirts were out of the way, Sirius fell back onto the mattress, bringing Remus with him. Pants were a little trickier since both boys wanted to take each other's off simultaneously. Their hands clashed as they tried to undo the belts and unzip the pants over their bulging groins. Sirius sighed in frustration, wrenching his mouth from Remus'.

"I'll do it," Sirius panted. Remus complied, his hands leaving Sirius' pants and moving back to his hair. Sirius pushed his hips up to pull the pants and boxers down. The boys groaned as this caused their erections to crush against each other. Sirius kicked his pants off of his feet. He carefully unzipped Remus and pushed his pants and boxers down as well. He left his hands on Remus' arse cheeks, kneading it as their arousals pushed into each other's stomachs.

"Take me," Remus said again, his voice deeper than ever. Sirius shivered and pulled his tongue out of Remus' mouth and opened his eyes. He groaned as he saw the passion in Remus' dilated eyes. They were narrowed and the lips were parted, slicked with Sirius' kisses. "I want you too…" Remus rumbled. Sirius had his wolf.

Remus was flipped onto his back by a flurry of movement. Sirius sucked on Remus' nipple wantonly, saliva dripping down the side of Remus' chest and onto the mattress. Sirius wrapped one hand around Remus' aching arousal. He bit down on the nipple, causing Remus to shrink back. Sirius didn't let him pull away, flicking his tongue against the nub as he held on with his teeth. Remus moaned when Sirius ran a finger over his foreskin. Sirius wandlessly lubricated his free hand, grazing Remus' opening with the pads of his fingers.

"Oh god," Remus gasped as he felt the slick fingers.

"I know," Sirius breathed, letting go of Remus' nipple and moving down to his stomach. Remus quivered and arched into Sirius' mouth. Sirius slowly pushed into Remus with his middle finger, feeling the muscles clenching around him. Remus didn't even feel it go in. Sirius was tugging at Remus' arousal inconsistently, forgetting about it and then remembering it every so often. Sirius reamed Remus with slow circular motions. Remus smiled in pleasure as Sirius ghosted a kiss on his navel.

"More."

Sirius complied, pushing in this ring finger as well. Remus plunged it down with a swift thrust, impaling himself with the fingers. Again, not wincing because there was no pain. Sirius scissored his fingers inside Remus, stretching him slowly. Remus felt the fingers in him, pushing against his walls. It felt so strange and full. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel, so he merely reveled in the present – Sirius was kissing his stomach, pumping his arousal and fingering him slowly. It was surreal.

"More."

Sirius laughed quietly, wondering in he could put another finger into Remus without hurting him. He renewed his stroking on Remus' cock, trying to relax Remus' muscles. It worked, which Sirius felt as his fingers stopped being squeezed. He gently coaxed his index finger into Remus. It stopped at the first ring of muscles.

"Relax," he mumbled as his breath warmed Remus' cock.

"Mmm…" Remus didn't know how to. After a few seconds of waiting, Sirius figured that Remus couldn't get any more relaxed, so he forced his finger through. Remus flinched from the slight pain. He tried to even his breathing and concentrate on Sirius' hand that was stroking his erection. By this time, Sirius was at the second ring – this one clamped shut.

"I don't think I can," Sirius said, looking up at Remus.

"You can."

Sirius wiggled the two fingers already embedded inside Remus, trying to shake the muscle lose. When it gave way slightly, Sirius wasted no time digging his third finger into it, forcing it open. Remus let out a muffled groan as the pain intensified. Sirius knew he hadn't ripped Remus, so he kept going. It was getting more and more difficult to push in the tightening walls, especially since Remus was no longer relaxed. Sirius pursed his lips in consternation and looked at Remus' closed lids and heaving chest.

Remus almost sat up when he felt Sirius' mouth wrapping around his erection. He moaned in ecstasy, forgetting the pain and the fullness in him. He throbbed into Sirius' dripping mouth. Sirius felt Remus loosening around him and he pushed his index finger in all the way. Remus arched his back against the sensations, shouting in pain and pleasure. Sirius was now thrusting into Remus quickly, knowing that if he waited any longer, neither of them will be able to hold out. He wrenched his mouth out of Remus' shaft, concentrating on prepping the hole. Remus felt the pain building up in him and he moaned. Sirius felt his own erection twitch at the erotic sound.

"Now?" he asked.

Remus nodded quickly. "Now."

Sirius pulled his fingers out of Remus and flipped him over on his stomach. Sirius wandless lubricated his almost dry fingers again, slicking his erection and dipping one finger into Remus' stretched opening that was already starting to adjust to its normal size. With his hands splayed on either side of Remus' arse cheeks, he spread it open.

"It will hurt."

"Just fuck me."

Sirius grinned, pushing his shaft into Remus. It easily slipped past the sphincter before stopping. Sirius pulled out a little before pushing in again. Remus lurched forward, fisting the sheet as he felt the pain burning him slightly. Sirius pushed again, moving further into Remus. He waiting for Remus to adjust and he almost came at the feel of the muscles contracting against his tip. He calmed himself down with deep breaths.

"Alright?"

"Mhm," Remus grunted.

Sirius moved further into Remus. He felt the muscles trying to refuse the foreign object from entering, but he kept pushing, unable to stop. Remus cried out in pain, his voice muffled against the mattress.

"Tell me when to stop," Sirius said urgently, hearing Remus' whimpers.

Remus shut his eyes, willing himself to stop tearing up. "It's fine," he gasped before biting his lip to keep from crying out again.

Sirius held still above Remus, knowing he wasn't fine. Sirius needed to find Remus' prostate. Fast. He ground against Remus, not thrusting any further. It helped, since Remus was starting to grow accustomed to the size rapidly. Sirius ran soothing fingers down Remus' tensed back, trying to calm him down with nonsensical statements. When he felt Remus settle down, he ventured further into Remus' hole. The sensations Sirius felt was extraordinary. Remus was so tight and hot. Nothing like the girls Sirius was used to. Remus could take the roughness. Remus was strong enough to hold his own. Sirius couldn't hold off any longer and he thrust into Remus with a force that left them both breathless. Sirius knew he had probably ripped Remus at some point. Remus was clawing the mattress, gasping for air. Sirius pulled back and pushed into Remus, burying deep into the recess. Remus twitched violently. Sirius had just bumped into his sweet spot.

"It's so deep," Sirius breathed in wonder as he tried to go as far into Remus as possible to nudge his prostate. Remus thought he was about to go unconscious from the agony and the sexual urges. His body was moving on its own accord. He pushed into Sirius, trying to gain the sensation again. The two boys met in the middle, Sirius' tip pushing Remus' prostate lightly. They shouted together, increasing their movements. Sirius had never been engulfed like this before and Remus had never been filled before. Remus' pain was slowly mixing with the pleasure until he didn't know what he was feeling anymore. All he knew was that he wanted more.

"Harder."

Sirius had the exact thought in his mind. He started pounding into Remus rapidly. Remus struggled to meet Sirius' frantic thrusts. Their rhythm fell out of beat, but Sirius didn't mind. He didn't mind doing the work. It wasn't work at all. This was the best sex he had ever had. Within two minutes, Remus was too agonized with the need to release and from being stretched that he couldn't move. Sirius plowed into Remus frantically, feeling his release moving through him.

"I'm going to come," he gasped.

Remus tightened as he heard this. Sirius gasped as his cock was strangled painfully and he cried out, pushing into Remus with finality. Remus jerked forward as his prostate was pushed again and he came. He felt Sirius come inside him and that made him climax with more fervor. The two boys convulsed against each other, red sparks flickering under their closed lids and screams caught against their gritted teeth. Remus was clenching his muscles around Sirius and Sirius was riding out his orgasm with slow strokes.

"Don't pull out," Remus moaned. He didn't feel any pain any longer. All he felt was Sirius moving in him. It felt perfect. Sirius leaned forward so his chest was against Remus' back and his chin rested against Remus' shoulder blade. They lay on the bed, twitching with heat. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' chest and kissed his back softly.

"I love you."

Remus wiped his tears on the covers. "I love you too."

Sirius shifted, his softened cock moving through Remus. "You are amazing."

Remus laughed weakly. "Me? I didn't do anything."

"You did everything."

Remus turned his head to the side, looking over his shoulder at Sirius' hair. Sirius felt the movement and lifted his head to look into Remus' grey eyes. They kissed softly, enjoying the feel of their sweaty bodies against each other. After they broke apart, Remus sighed, bringing his hands under his chin and closing his eyes sleepily. Sirius pulled out, causing Remus to moan. Sirius rolled over and lay down beside him, his eyes looking up at the ceiling. Remus moved, curling his legs on top of Sirius' and wrapping an arm around Sirius' waist. His head fell heavily on Sirius' chest. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus possessively, rubbing his back with tender fingers.

"Now what?" Sirius asked.

"I don't think I can sit on my arse for the next week," Remus mumbled.

"That bad, huh?"

Remus sighed. "You have no idea."

"Sorry."

"It's alright."

Sirius ran his thumb down Remus' jaw absently. "You're _my_ wolf, you know that?" he asked softly.

"I know that. I'm all yours…"

_And that, my friends, is the story of how Sirius seduced Remus. Who knew seducing a wolf would be so easy… I'm off to find myself one of those._

_Pftt, you want an epilogue. Like hell I'm giving you one. Use your imagination, for heaven's sake!_


	6. Chapter 6

It was all quite accidental. If Potter hadn't been a fruit, none of this would have happened. If Michael Corner had been minding his own business instead of insisting on getting with Cho, then Ginny, and _then_ Harry, none of this would have happened. If Malfoy hadn't walked in on the make-out session in the fifth stall of the third-floor bathroom, _none _of this would have happened.

_I'm back… A generation later… And I saw Potter turning Malfoy gay. Right before my eyes. Want to know how?_

Malfoy decided to go to the loo right when Corner decided to snog Potter out of his mind. What are the chances? No, seriously, what are the chances?

Potter being gay? 1 in 2. _Well… It was either girls or boys._  
Potter going out with Corner? 1 in 8. _There are only 8 eligible guys at Hogwarts who would go out with him._  
Corner feeling frisky? 1 in 5. _Not surprising._  
Potter going along with Corner's delusions of a romantic venue to make-out? 1 in 477. _He is a hard man to please_.  
Malfoy having to relieve himself at that exact moment? 1 in 60.  
Malfoy picking the third-floor bathroom to do his business? 1 in 3. _A guy's gotta go when a guy's gotta go. It was either that bathroom or going up a flight of stairs_.

Chances of Malfoy running into Corner kissing Potter's lips off? 1 in 6,868,800

_Yes. _

_Malfoy is just that lucky._

_

* * *

_**;D A teaser for my two to three chapter ficlet. It'll be called, "How Potter Turned Malfoy Gay". Update latest by February 23, 2011. If you liked this story, you might like the new one.**


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